Best Jokes



Funny Jokes


Red ship hits blue ship...

Sailors marooned.

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A cookie a day keeps the sadness away.

An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.

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Why did the mushroom have to leave her home?

It was growing toxic by the day.

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I have a friend who is an expert on Uranus.

He’s a real gas-trologist!

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Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.

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Public Service Announcement:

β€œIf you get a new baby bunny for Easter, it is not laying little brown chocolate eggs”

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What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?

The computer runs.

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A Native American hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the Native American noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents.

The city man replied, β€œIt’s a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife.”

The Native American looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said, β€œGood trade.”

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Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He came in with buns glazing.

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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

Hogs and kisses.

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What do you call a clock on the Harvest Moon?

A lunartick.

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What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?

Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!

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How are pandas made?

You punch a polar bear in the eyes.

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Why are dyslexic people religious?

Because they think god is man’s best friend.

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Teacher: β€œJohn, show us where North America is.”

John: β€œHere it is.”

Teacher: β€œGood! Now, class, who discovered North America?”

Class: β€œJohn!”

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I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.

Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

β€œNo one does that to a woman, not on my watch!”

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What’s the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?

You have to send them a letter with your number B4 they’ll respond.

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Why did the peanut butter and jelly break up?

Because they were always spread too thin.

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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?

Because it knew too much.

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What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Ms. Shell.

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