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Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?

They have to bleep out all his words.

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A youthful, cheerful woman enters an elevator with an older man.

β€œTGIF!” says the woman with a big smile.

β€œS.h.i.t,” he deadpans as he slowly turns to face her.

Thinking he didn’t hear her, the woman gently repeats β€œT.G.I.F.”

He merely says, β€œS.h.i.t.” as slowly as he can.

β€œT.G.I.F. is for Thank God It’s Friday, Silly!” she exclaims, exasperated.

β€œI know that, but it’s Thursday,” the man responds.

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Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.

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After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.

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How did the roofing company become so successful?

They nailed it.

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A mother noticed her little daughter praying.

β€œPlease, God,” the little girl kept saying, β€œBless my father and my mother and make Melaka the capital city of Malaysia.”

β€œWhy did you make such as strange request?” the mother asked.

β€œBecause that’s what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!”

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What do you call an old snowman?

Water.

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Old electricians never die, they just get discharged.

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What is a pianist’s favorite cheese?

Mozzartrella.

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Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?

β€œMensch on a bench”.

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Why did the tofu cross the road?

To prove he wasn’t chicken.

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What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie?

He’s lost his head!

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I think my local garage is ripping me off...

Does anyone else think Β£500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?

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The sunflower was feeling lonely.

He said he just wanted to get some-bud-y to love.

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Spider-Man borrowed his mom’s car to take it out for a spin.

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I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule.

What can I say? We had Chemistry together.

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Why does the Easter Bunny drink beer?

He loves the hops.

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An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.

Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.

When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayer’s Rock.

The witch doctor says, β€œYou bloody fool, didn’t you see the sign by the cash register that says β€˜NO RETURNS’.”

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Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

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Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?

It’s called influenza marketing.

It’s really going viral.

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