Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?
They have to bleep out all his words.
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A youthful, cheerful woman enters an elevator with an older man.
βTGIF!β says the woman with a big smile.
βS.h.i.t,β he deadpans as he slowly turns to face her.
Thinking he didnβt hear her, the woman gently repeats βT.G.I.F.β
He merely says, βS.h.i.t.β as slowly as he can.
βT.G.I.F. is for Thank God Itβs Friday, Silly!β she exclaims, exasperated.
βI know that, but itβs Thursday,β the man responds.
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Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.
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After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
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How did the roofing company become so successful?
They nailed it.
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A mother noticed her little daughter praying.
βPlease, God,β the little girl kept saying, βBless my father and my mother and make Melaka the capital city of Malaysia.β
βWhy did you make such as strange request?β the mother asked.
βBecause thatβs what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!β
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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Old electricians never die, they just get discharged.
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What is a pianistβs favorite cheese?
Mozzartrella.
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Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
βMensch on a benchβ.
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Why did the tofu cross the road?
To prove he wasnβt chicken.
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What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie?
Heβs lost his head!
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I think my local garage is ripping me off...
Does anyone else think Β£500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?
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The sunflower was feeling lonely.
He said he just wanted to get some-bud-y to love.
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Spider-Man borrowed his momβs car to take it out for a spin.
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I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule.
What can I say? We had Chemistry together.
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Why does the Easter Bunny drink beer?
He loves the hops.
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An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.
Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.
When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayerβs Rock.
The witch doctor says, βYou bloody fool, didnβt you see the sign by the cash register that says βNO RETURNSβ.β
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Why didnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
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Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?
Itβs called influenza marketing.
Itβs really going viral.
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