Why did the mushroom have to leave her home?
It was growing toxic by the day.
π π π
I have a friend who is an expert on Uranus.
Heβs a real gas-trologist!
π π π
Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.
π π π
Public Service Announcement:
βIf you get a new baby bunny for Easter, it is not laying little brown chocolate eggsβ
π π π
Whatβs the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer heβs hooked up to?
The computer runs.
π π π
A Native American hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.
As they were driving along, the Native American noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents.
The city man replied, βItβs a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife.β
The Native American looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said, βGood trade.β
π π π
Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?
He came in with buns glazing.
π π π
What do farmers give their wives on Valentineβs Day?
Hogs and kisses.
π π π
What do you call a clock on the Harvest Moon?
A lunartick.
π π π
What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?
Letβs go to Dunkinβ Donuts for the hole food protein!
π π π
How are pandas made?
You punch a polar bear in the eyes.
π π π
Why are dyslexic people religious?
Because they think god is manβs best friend.
π π π
Teacher: βJohn, show us where North America is.β
John: βHere it is.β
Teacher: βGood! Now, class, who discovered North America?β
Class: βJohn!β
π π π
I lost my watch at a party once.
An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.
Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.
βNo one does that to a woman, not on my watch!β
π π π
Whatβs the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?
You have to send them a letter with your number B4 theyβll respond.
π π π
Why did the peanut butter and jelly break up?
Because they were always spread too thin.
π π π
Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?
Because it knew too much.
π π π
What do you call a female crab who is also single?
Ms. Shell.
π π π
A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, βHereβs a pill for English literature.β
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
βWhat else do you have?β asks the student.
βWell, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,β replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, βDo you have a pill for math?β
The pharmacist says, βWait just a moment,β and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
βI have to take that huge pill for math?β inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, βWell, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.β
π π π
So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around and saw an old lady.
She said to me, βSonny, would you like some nuts? Iβve got a couple of hazelnuts and almonds if youβd like.β
βSure.β, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
βWhat a nice ladyβ, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts.
I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, βWhy donβt you eat them yourself?β
βBecause weβve got no teeth,β she replied.
βThen why do you buy them?β, I asked.
βOh, because we just love the chocolate around them.β
π π π