An elderly couple is in church.
The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?"
The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Wife: "Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing."
Husband: "Because the people would think I am beating you."
What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Little Johnny's father asked for report card.
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?," his father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In the stork?"
Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."