Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
My girlfriend treats me like God. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Kid: "Dad, make me a sandwich!"
Dad: "Poof, you're a sandwich!"
John: "I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?"
Bob: "I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?"
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China?
Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.
Doctor: "Bad news, you have terminal cancer and Alzheimer's."
Patient: "That's not so bad, I could have had cancer."