A mother noticed her little daughter praying.
βPlease, God,β the little girl kept saying, βBless my father and my mother and make Melaka the capital city of Malaysia.β
βWhy did you make such as strange request?β the mother asked.
βBecause thatβs what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!β
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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Old electricians never die, they just get discharged.
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What is a pianistβs favorite cheese?
Mozzartrella.
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Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
βMensch on a benchβ.
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Why did the tofu cross the road?
To prove he wasnβt chicken.
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What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie?
Heβs lost his head!
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I think my local garage is ripping me off...
Does anyone else think Β£500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?
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The sunflower was feeling lonely.
He said he just wanted to get some-bud-y to love.
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Spider-Man borrowed his momβs car to take it out for a spin.
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I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule.
What can I say? We had Chemistry together.
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Why does the Easter Bunny drink beer?
He loves the hops.
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An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.
Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.
When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayerβs Rock.
The witch doctor says, βYou bloody fool, didnβt you see the sign by the cash register that says βNO RETURNSβ.β
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Why didnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
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Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?
Itβs called influenza marketing.
Itβs really going viral.
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I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
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I always wanted a life like a Disney princess.
I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day.
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I went to a church menβs campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.
Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.
A few minutes go by, then someone asks, βHey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.β
βTo which Joe replies, βChocolate sausage.β
This gets everyoneβs attention.
When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.
A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.
The same guy asks Joe again, βThis doesnβt taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..β
Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, βThe horse was named Chocolate.β
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The US government has been there for us through hard times from the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.
Iβm starting to think theyβre bad luck.
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I canβt decide if I want to watch the original Star Trek of The Next Generation.
I guess you could say Iβm stuck between a Spock and a Picard place.
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