Funny Jokes - Page 2

Do you love me?

Eve: "Adam, do you love me?"

Adam: "Who else?"

Swimming Squirrels

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

So their nuts don't get wet!

Poison Mushrooms

"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull."

"That's a shame." said his friend, "How did it happen?"

"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms!"

If Pigs Could Fly

What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

Please stop crying

Dentist: "Please stop crying. I haven't even touched your tooth yet."

Patient: "I know, but you're treading on my foot."

Can you identify yourself?

A blonde went into a bank to withdraw some money.

"Can you identify yourself?" asked the clerk.

The blonde opened her handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me all right."

Every Man Needs A Wife

Every man needs a beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.


Wife: "How would you describe me?"


Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"


Do not be racist, be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

A Million Dollars

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left?

A million dollars minus 75 cents.