Whatโs a guitaristโs favor type of cheese?
Shredded cheese.
๐ ๐ ๐
Whatโs the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
๐ ๐ ๐
Why did the girl sit on the clock?
She just wanted to be on time.
๐ ๐ ๐
I made a blue smoothie today.
It was berry good.
๐ ๐ ๐
If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?
Depends.
๐ ๐ ๐
Iโd tell you a rumor about some butter on a piece of toast, but you might spread it.
๐ ๐ ๐
How do zombies eat healthier?
They switch to vegetarians.
๐ ๐ ๐
โAm I mentioned in the will?โ the nephew asked anxiously.
โYou certainly are,โ replied the lawyer. โRight here in the third paragraph, your uncle says: To my niece Sarah, I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars, to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars, and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say โHi, Charlesโ.โ
๐ ๐ ๐
Whoever it was that invented single ply toilet paper...
Iโd like to shake his hand.
๐ ๐ ๐
After 10 years of marriage I still keep a photo of my wife in my wallet that I can look at for motivation when times get hard.
I think, โIf I can survive 10 years of marriage to this I can survive anything.โ
๐ ๐ ๐
The pope dies and arrives in Heaven. St. Peter awaits him and asks who he is.
The pope: โI am the pope.โ
St. Peter: โWho? Thereโs no such name in my book.โ
The pope: โIโm the representative of God on Earth.โ
St. Peter: โDoes God have a representative? He didnโt tell me.โ
The pope: โBut I am the leader of the Catholic church.โ
St. Peter: โThe Catholic church... Never heard of it. Wait, Iโll check with the boss.โ
St. Peter walks away through Heavenโs Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: โThereโs a dude standing outside who claims heโs your representative on earth.โ
God: โI donโt have a representative on earth, not that I know of. Wait, Iโll ask Jesus.โ
God yells for Jesus.
Jesus: โYes father, whatโs up?โ
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: โWait, Iโll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.โ
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why heโs laughing.
Jesus: โRemember that fishing club Iโve started 2000 years ago? It still exists!โ
๐ ๐ ๐
I hate when Iโm on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button and I have to get off and eat a grilled bacon and cheese sandwich.
๐ ๐ ๐
I didnโt always like mushrooms, but theyโve finally started to grow on me.
๐ ๐ ๐
To make mistakes is human.
To blame someone else for your problem, is strategic.
๐ ๐ ๐
Why is bowling a better sport than golf?
Itโs hard to lose a bowling ball.
๐ ๐ ๐
People always pick their noses, but I never did.
I have always liked the one nose that I was born with.
๐ ๐ ๐
Whatโs a real estate agentโs favorite song?
โFor Lease Navidadโ
๐ ๐ ๐
Public Service Announcement:
โIf you get a new baby bunny for Easter, it is not laying little brown chocolate eggsโ
๐ ๐ ๐
A little known fact about president Trump is that heโs an avid Fortnite fan.
What with all the walls being built?
๐ ๐ ๐
As today is Motherโs Day, I have three special words for my Mom:
โWhatโs for dinner?โ
๐ ๐ ๐