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Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

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A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar."
Johnny asks, "Why?"
His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!"
The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman.
He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"

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My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

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How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem.

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What do all men in singles bars have in common? They're married.

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Eve: "Adam, do you love me?"
Adam: "Who else?"

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β€œDad, how do stars die?”
β€œUsually an overdose.”

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The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

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Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

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