Jokes of the Day

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

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Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

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The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

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“Dad, how do stars die?”
“Usually an overdose.”

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Why do Jews have big noses?
Because the air is free.

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A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”

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“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

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Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

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What do all men in singles bars have in common? They're married.

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