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Doctor says to his patient: "You have cancer and Alzheimer."
Patient: "At least I don't have cancer."

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My aunt is 86, but she doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight out of the bottle.

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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

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A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
The blonde did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

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Why are basketball players messy eaters? They’re always dribbling.

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Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!

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My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

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"Waiter, what is this?"
"It's bean soup."
"I'm not asking what it's been, I'm asking what it is!"

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β€œDad, how do stars die?”
β€œUsually an overdose.”

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Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

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