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What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

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How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many can you afford?

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Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.

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My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

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What does a basketball player do when he loses his eyesight? Becomes a referee.

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There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Oh, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

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Mother, "How was school today, Johnny?"
Johnny, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother, "Oh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Johnny, "What school?"

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