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Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

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Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

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The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

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β€œDad, how do stars die?”
β€œUsually an overdose.”

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Why do Jews have big noses?
Because the air is free.

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A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, β€œWhat do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says β€œI’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, β€œThat’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, β€œI don’t care about what you think!”

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β€œI’m sorry” and β€œI apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

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Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

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What do all men in singles bars have in common? They're married.

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