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Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

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β€œDad, how do stars die?”
β€œUsually an overdose.”

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Do not be racist, be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

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Eve: "Adam, do you love me?"
Adam: "Who else?"

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My aunt is 86, but she doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight out of the bottle.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

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I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

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There are two theories of arguing with women. Neither one works.

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Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

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