I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted.
😄 😄 😄
Disney is updating a children’s classic with a pandemic theme.
It’s called “The Never Ending Story”.
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If mermaid is woman, then what do you call a man version of mermaid?
Merbutler.
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I met my wife while we were working at the same museum.
Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?”, said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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What does every poet with a mustache dream of?
To have facial hair like Shakes-beard.
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Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?
Because mothers are priceless.
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What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?
Juan in a million.
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Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?
Between you and I, something smells.
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How many Mcdonald’s workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can’t climb the ladder.
😄 😄 😄
May your morning be so bright that you need sunglasses just to pour your cereal.
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My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
😄 😄 😄
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
😄 😄 😄
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
😄 😄 😄
Sometimes my girlfriend and I don’t speak the same language...
I say “We have a long distance relationship”.
She says “I have a restraining order”.
😄 😄 😄
You might be a civil engineer if you think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they did not get enough sleep.
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You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.
If it stinks, it’s chemistry.
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
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Why is ChatGPT always ready for a pop quiz?
Because it’s always in a “state of learning”.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a bass guitar and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
😄 😄 😄
I got the book “Internet Forums for Dummies” from a friend.
But I need to take it back, because I already Reddit.
😄 😄 😄
