Now the UK is out of the EU we can ban pre-shredded cheese.
Make Britain grate again.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Stolen.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so short she sleeps in a mini house.
😄 😄 😄
The most annoying thing about working from home is awkward Skype calls with clients.
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Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?
They have to bleep out all his words.
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An Indian walks into a café with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?”
The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Me in training for upper management: come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the electrician stay home on Labor Day?
He needed to recharge his batteries.
😄 😄 😄
Your nose is so big that when you lie on your back in the pool, people think it’s a shark!
😄 😄 😄
I’m like a ninja at the gym.
Because you’ll never see me there.
😄 😄 😄
A blonde works in a petrol station filling up cars.
One day, a spaceship with “UFO” written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flies off.
The blonde’s boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
“Do you know what “UFO” stands for?” He asks.
“Of course.” She replies, “Unleaded Fuel Only.”
😄 😄 😄
Good morning, world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so hairy that she gets mistaken for Chewbacca’s cousin.
😄 😄 😄
Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
It’s a brand new day full of possibilities and bacon.
😄 😄 😄
I recently played in a Star Wars themed cricket match.
Every time the ball was delivered the umpire struck back.
😄 😄 😄
Where does Vin go after eating a really hot curry?
Da loo.
😄 😄 😄
What is the best way to sleep the night before an exam?
I sleep next to my notes, sincerely hoping they transfer into my brain by osmosis.
😄 😄 😄
How does Uranus apologize?
It says “I’m sorry, I need some space”.
😄 😄 😄
How was your ear operation?
Thursday.
😄 😄 😄
My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
It was the end of my Korea.
😄 😄 😄
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.
Both of them have a great time.
😄 😄 😄
