What’s the best drink they make in space?
Le-moon-ade!
😄 😄 😄
Why do people on Earth like the way the planet rotates?
Because it makes their day.
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”
The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
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Why did the toilet paper trip on the door mat?
It ran out.
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What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
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Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?
His humor was too fowl.
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How does Shrek like his eggs?
Ogre easy.
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What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips.
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If Joker and Harley Quinn have a son.
The name is Joaquin.
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Why do anteaters never get colds?
Because their noses are full of anty-bodies!
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I just heard that the Dunkin’ Donuts in my area will initiate with a surcharge for coming in without wearing a mask.
They’re going to call it a cough fee.
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My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.
I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
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So hot dog, we meat again.
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Who invented King Arthur’s Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
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How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?
Apply the pumpkin patch.
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The only love triangle I want is a slice of pizza.
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What is the most common illness in China?
Kung Flu.
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Yo mama’s nose is so big she can smell a fart coming.
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The moon is so cheeky, it’s always playing lunar-tricks.
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I taught my son speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
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