All mushrooms are edible.
But some mushrooms are only edible once.
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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him, “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees, “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”
“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question.
The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says, “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”
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My father was stupid.
He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
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Not saying I live in a rough area but just bought an advent calendar and half the windows are boarded up!
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Forgot it’s April Fools’!
What’s the simplest way to really quickly get some friends, so I can prank them?
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One day you can be a morning person, but today is not that day.
It’s the afternoon.
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What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?
Donut disturb.
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When we were children, we used to refer to our granddad as Spider-Man.
He didn’t have any special powers, he just couldn’t get out of the bath without any assistance.
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Your momma so short she takes a shower in a raindrop.
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“The word of the day is ‘contagious’,” said the teacher. “Who can use it in a sentence?”
Little Jenny stood up and said, “My dad has a cold and said it’s contagious.”
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said, “Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think it’s contagious.”
Happy with Billy’s response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up, “Miss, my next door neighbor is painting his house with a 1-inch brush and my dad said it’s going to take the contagious.”
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How do you get a million dollars?
Start off with 2 million and buy a bass guitar.
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It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
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So apparently, everyone on my husband’s Zoom work call finds my singing distracting.
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What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
America’s Most Haunted.
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An electric company is always looking for high energy employees.
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Why did the llama cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off.
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What does a cricket umpire say while practising in front of the mirror?
“I’ll show myself out.”
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A doctor just flirted with me. She also said that I was really sweet.
Well, her exact words were “severely diabetic”, but I know what she meant. I got the hint.
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I asked my friend what he was doing to stay happy in his job.
And he said he was always searching for blue skies.
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I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport.
I have since found out it is a terminal illness.
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