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A Native American hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the Native American noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents.

The city man replied, β€œIt’s a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife.”

The Native American looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said, β€œGood trade.”

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Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He came in with buns glazing.

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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

Hogs and kisses.

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What do you call a clock on the Harvest Moon?

A lunartick.

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What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?

Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!

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How are pandas made?

You punch a polar bear in the eyes.

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Why are dyslexic people religious?

Because they think god is man’s best friend.

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Teacher: β€œJohn, show us where North America is.”

John: β€œHere it is.”

Teacher: β€œGood! Now, class, who discovered North America?”

Class: β€œJohn!”

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I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.

Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

β€œNo one does that to a woman, not on my watch!”

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What’s the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?

You have to send them a letter with your number B4 they’ll respond.

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Why did the peanut butter and jelly break up?

Because they were always spread too thin.

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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?

Because it knew too much.

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What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Ms. Shell.

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A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, β€œHere’s a pill for English literature.”

The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

β€œWhat else do you have?” asks the student.

β€œWell, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,” replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, β€œDo you have a pill for math?”

The pharmacist says, β€œWait just a moment,” and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

β€œI have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, β€œWell, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.”

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So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady.

She said to me, β€œSonny, would you like some nuts? I’ve got a couple of hazelnuts and almonds if you’d like.”

β€œSure.”, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

β€œWhat a nice lady”, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.

A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts.

I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.

After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.

I asked her, β€œWhy don’t you eat them yourself?”

β€œBecause we’ve got no teeth,” she replied.

β€œThen why do you buy them?”, I asked.

β€œOh, because we just love the chocolate around them.”

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Scientists have discovered that crabs hear through their legs.

They said they yelled at a crab and it ran away.

Then they cut off its legs and yelled at it again. And this time the crab didn’t run away.

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What do a lion and a computer have in common?

They both have mega bites.

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Once you understand why the pizza is made round.

Packed in a square box.

And eaten as a triangle.

Then you will understand vomen.

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All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the children’s activity center.

It’s like they’d never seen a naked man before.

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Yo mama so fat when she jumped people got an earthquake alert on their phones.

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