Coronavirus is all Gen Z’s fault.
They wanted everything to go viral, now look what’s happened.
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Three elderly ladies sit on a park bench.
The first tells her companions, “Wow, it’s windy today.”
The second responds, “No, it’s Thursday.”
The third says, “So am I. Let’s get a drink.”
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What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
Mmmm, sandwiches!
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From now on, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea.
It’s a solid plan.
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What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dinosnore.
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Why is it impossible for students to sleep 8 hours every day?
Because school is only 6 hours a day!
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What would you name Will if he was one of the Wheelers?
Third Wheeler.
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Why are two medians in a single data set funny?
Because it’s a co-median.
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My interviewer leaned back in his chair and said, “Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”
“But I never went to college,” I replied.
“Well then, I’m sorry. You are underqualified to work here,” he said, as he showed me the door.
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Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them?
So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
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What happens when one fungi marries another fungi?
They become fungus!
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What says “Pieces of nine, Pieces of nine”?
A Parroty Error.
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What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
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What’s the best drink they make in space?
Le-moon-ade!
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Why do people on Earth like the way the planet rotates?
Because it makes their day.
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”
The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
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Why did the toilet paper trip on the door mat?
It ran out.
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What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
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Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?
His humor was too fowl.
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How does Shrek like his eggs?
Ogre easy.
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