What’s a teacher’s favorite way to celebrate National Teacher Day on May 2nd?
By giving students a pop quiz to see if they’ve been may-taining their knowledge.
😄 😄 😄
My kids have recently been super obsessed with the moon and my wife is starting to get worried.
I told her not to worry, it’s only a phase.
😄 😄 😄
The ice cream parlor asks for my order.
Parlor: “Hello Sir, can I take your order?”
Me: “Yes, I’d like a male hot fudge sundae please.”
Parlor: “I’m sorry Sir, a male hot fudge sundae?”
Me: “Yes, with nuts.”
😄 😄 😄
Outbreak: New Strain of Bird Flu Discovered!!!
It’s called Chirpies.
It’s a Canarial Disease.
It’s Untweetable.
😄 😄 😄
What do you give an influencer with bad breath?
A tik tok.
😄 😄 😄
What city is the feminist capital of the world?
Manhatin’.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama’s so short she sat on a coin and her feet didn’t touch the ground.
😄 😄 😄
Can you hear the birds singing?
Good! That means you’re awake.
😄 😄 😄
Pessimists are like German vegetarians.
They fear the wurst.
😄 😄 😄
Why do Pokémons like to eat sunflower seeds?
Because they like to pick and chew.
😄 😄 😄
A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don’t swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it.
Because seeing is believing.
😄 😄 😄
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
😄 😄 😄
The biggest kept secret is that Uranus is not a planet, you are actually sitting on it!
😄 😄 😄
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
😄 😄 😄
My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
It was the end of my Korea.
😄 😄 😄
I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted.
😄 😄 😄
Disney is updating a children’s classic with a pandemic theme.
It’s called “The Never Ending Story”.
😄 😄 😄
If mermaid is woman, then what do you call a man version of mermaid?
Merbutler.
😄 😄 😄
I met my wife while we were working at the same museum.
Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.
😄 😄 😄
