Three elderly ladies sit on a park bench.
The first tells her companions, βWow, itβs windy today.β
The second responds, βNo, itβs Thursday.β
The third says, βSo am I. Letβs get a drink.β
π π π
What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
Mmmm, sandwiches!
π π π
From now on, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea.
Itβs a solid plan.
π π π
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dinosnore.
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Why is it impossible for students to sleep 8 hours every day?
Because school is only 6 hours a day!
π π π
What would you name Will if he was one of the Wheelers?
Third Wheeler.
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Why are two medians in a single data set funny?
Because itβs a co-median.
π π π
My interviewer leaned back in his chair and said, βForget everything you learned in college. You wonβt need it working here.β
βBut I never went to college,β I replied.
βWell then, Iβm sorry. You are underqualified to work here,β he said, as he showed me the door.
π π π
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them?
So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
π π π
What happens when one fungi marries another fungi?
They become fungus!
π π π
What says βPieces of nine, Pieces of nineβ?
A Parroty Error.
π π π
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
π π π
Whatβs the best drink they make in space?
Le-moon-ade!
π π π
Why do people on Earth like the way the planet rotates?
Because it makes their day.
π π π
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, βAnd what starting salary are you looking for?β
The engineer replies, βIn the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.β
The interviewer inquires, βWell, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?β
The engineer sits up straight and says, βWow! Are you kidding?β
The interviewer replies, βYeah, but you started it.β
π π π
Why did the toilet paper trip on the door mat?
It ran out.
π π π
What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
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Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?
His humor was too fowl.
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How does Shrek like his eggs?
Ogre easy.
π π π
What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips.
π π π