Your mama’s so short she sat on a coin and her feet didn’t touch the ground.
😄 😄 😄
Can you hear the birds singing?
Good! That means you’re awake.
😄 😄 😄
Pessimists are like German vegetarians.
They fear the wurst.
😄 😄 😄
Why do Pokémons like to eat sunflower seeds?
Because they like to pick and chew.
😄 😄 😄
A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don’t swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it.
Because seeing is believing.
😄 😄 😄
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
😄 😄 😄
The biggest kept secret is that Uranus is not a planet, you are actually sitting on it!
😄 😄 😄
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
😄 😄 😄
My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
It was the end of my Korea.
😄 😄 😄
I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted.
😄 😄 😄
Disney is updating a children’s classic with a pandemic theme.
It’s called “The Never Ending Story”.
😄 😄 😄
If mermaid is woman, then what do you call a man version of mermaid?
Merbutler.
😄 😄 😄
I met my wife while we were working at the same museum.
Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.
😄 😄 😄
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?”, said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
😄 😄 😄
What does every poet with a mustache dream of?
To have facial hair like Shakes-beard.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?
Because mothers are priceless.
😄 😄 😄
What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?
Juan in a million.
😄 😄 😄
Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?
Between you and I, something smells.
😄 😄 😄
How many Mcdonald’s workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can’t climb the ladder.
😄 😄 😄
