What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.
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If you get an email starting with Knock Knock don’t open it.
It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.
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How do you get a D&D player to go out with you?
You ask them for a d8.
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Where does Spider-Man poop?
Web-ever he wants.
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What did the pig say when he was placed in the desert?
Oh no, I’m bacon.
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Guess what the ship had to go to therapy for?
He was a nervous wreck!
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Yo mama’s so weak-minded that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a Jedi mind trick!
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My life is like an overproduced comic book series.
It’s just one issue after another, and the plot doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they’re easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.
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What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
Lazy.
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I’m on the rotation diet.
Every time I turn around, I eat.
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Did you know Uranus is so big, it can’t even fit into lightweight jeans?
It needs quasar sizes!
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Why don’t pumpkins get into arguments?
Because they have no stomach for fighting.
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What is a sloth’s favorite form of exercise?
Running late.
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Why did the girl sit on the clock?
She just wanted to be on time.
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Do you know that Albert Einstein’s birthday was on Pi Day i.e., March 14, 1879?
Perhaps he served pie for his birthday instead of cake.
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Whenever my wife asks me to clean the kitchen, I show her funny videos until she forgets she asked.
But now she says she’s had enough of my delaying TikToks.
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What’s a neckbeard’s favorite thing to put on toast?
Marm’lady.
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Shouldn’t you be minding your business and looking out for low flying objects?
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