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Funny Jokes


I saw a blue horse the other day.

I guess you could say it was a rare-colored mare.

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You’re on your death bed and you’re known as a practical joker in the family. What do you say as your last joke with your dying breath?

The cornyer the better!

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A boss buys his employee a bottle of liquor to celebrate Labor Day.

The employee goes, β€œI haven’t bought alcohol in 15 years. I’m 15 years free.”

The boss replies, β€œI’m so sorry mate. I didn’t mean to break your sobriety!”

The employee responds, β€œSobriety? No, I just have been stealing alcohol for 15 years and drinking it for free.”

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When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.

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Why shouldn’t you pick a green alien for your baseball team?

They’re not ripe yet.

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You’re so fat that when you fell over, the ambulance had to bring a crane.

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How does Uranus like its coffee?

Black, with a little bit of gas.

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Red ship hits blue ship...

Sailors marooned.

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A cookie a day keeps the sadness away.

An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.

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Why did the mushroom have to leave her home?

It was growing toxic by the day.

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I have a friend who is an expert on Uranus.

He’s a real gas-trologist!

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Yo mama so dumb her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.

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Public Service Announcement:

β€œIf you get a new baby bunny for Easter, it is not laying little brown chocolate eggs”

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What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?

The computer runs.

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A Native American hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the Native American noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents.

The city man replied, β€œIt’s a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife.”

The Native American looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said, β€œGood trade.”

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Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He came in with buns glazing.

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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

Hogs and kisses.

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What do you call a clock on the Harvest Moon?

A lunartick.

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What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?

Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!

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How are pandas made?

You punch a polar bear in the eyes.

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