Best Jokes



Funny Jokes


What is a pianist’s favorite cheese?

Mozzartrella.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?

β€œMensch on a bench”.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why did the tofu cross the road?

To prove he wasn’t chicken.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie?

He’s lost his head!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I think my local garage is ripping me off...

Does anyone else think Β£500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


The sunflower was feeling lonely.

He said he just wanted to get some-bud-y to love.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Spider-Man borrowed his mom’s car to take it out for a spin.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule.

What can I say? We had Chemistry together.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why does the Easter Bunny drink beer?

He loves the hops.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.

Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.

When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayer’s Rock.

The witch doctor says, β€œYou bloody fool, didn’t you see the sign by the cash register that says β€˜NO RETURNS’.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?

It’s called influenza marketing.

It’s really going viral.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.

It was a shock to the cistern.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I always wanted a life like a Disney princess.

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I went to a church men’s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.

Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.

A few minutes go by, then someone asks, β€œHey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.”

β€œTo which Joe replies, β€œChocolate sausage.”

This gets everyone’s attention.

When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.

A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.

The same guy asks Joe again, β€œThis doesn’t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..”

Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, β€œThe horse was named Chocolate.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


The US government has been there for us through hard times from the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I’m starting to think they’re bad luck.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I can’t decide if I want to watch the original Star Trek of The Next Generation.

I guess you could say I’m stuck between a Spock and a Picard place.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I saw a blue horse the other day.

I guess you could say it was a rare-colored mare.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


You’re on your death bed and you’re known as a practical joker in the family. What do you say as your last joke with your dying breath?

The cornyer the better!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A boss buys his employee a bottle of liquor to celebrate Labor Day.

The employee goes, β€œI haven’t bought alcohol in 15 years. I’m 15 years free.”

The boss replies, β€œI’m so sorry mate. I didn’t mean to break your sobriety!”

The employee responds, β€œSobriety? No, I just have been stealing alcohol for 15 years and drinking it for free.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


















© 2022-2023 jokes.best