I met my wife while we were working at the same museum.
Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, โThis is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.โ
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, โWhich do you want, son?โ
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
โWhat did I tell you?โ, said the barber. โThat kid never learns!โ
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
โHey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?โ
The boy licked his cone and replied, โBecause the day I take the dollar, the game is over!โ
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What does every poet with a mustache dream of?
To have facial hair like Shakes-beard.
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Why donโt they have Motherโs Day sales?
Because mothers are priceless.
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What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?
Juan in a million.
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Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?
Between you and I, something smells.
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How many Mcdonaldโs workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they canโt climb the ladder.
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May your morning be so bright that you need sunglasses just to pour your cereal.
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My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasnโt my waiter.
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A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, โDidnโt your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?โ
The businessman replies, โThatโs the accountant weโre looking for.โ
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I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
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Sometimes my girlfriend and I donโt speak the same language...
I say โWe have a long distance relationshipโ.
She says โI have a restraining orderโ.
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You might be a civil engineer if you think that when people around you yawn, itโs because they did not get enough sleep.
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You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If itโs green and wiggles, itโs biology.
If it stinks, itโs chemistry.
If it doesnโt work, itโs physics.
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Why is ChatGPT always ready for a pop quiz?
Because itโs always in a โstate of learningโ.
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Whatโs the difference between a bass guitar and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
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I got the book โInternet Forums for Dummiesโ from a friend.
But I need to take it back, because I already Reddit.
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Youโre so dumb that you thought a quarterback was a refund.
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April Foolsโ Day is a great day to pull pranks.
Except on me, if youโre smart.
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A jobless man applied for the position of Office Boy at a very big company.
The employer interviewed him, then a test โClean the Floorโ.
โYou are hired,โ the employer said. โGive me your email address, and Iโll send you the application to fill out, as well as when you will start.โ
The man replied, โI donโt have a computer or an email.โ
โIโm sorry,โ said the employer, โif you donโt have an email that means you do not exist. And who doesnโt exist, cannot have the job.โ
The man left with no hope. He didnโt know what to do, with only $10 USD in his pocket.
He then decided to go to the supermarket, bought a 10 kg tomato crate, then sold the tomatoes door to door. In less than two hours, he succeeded and doubled his capital.
He repeated the operation 3 times and returned home with $60 USD. The man realized that he could survive this way, and started to go every day earlier, and returned late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his fleet of delivery vehicles.
Five years later, the manโs company was one of the biggest food retailers. He started to plan his familyโs future and decided to have life insurance.
He called an insurance broker and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him for his email.
The man replied, โI donโt have an email.โ
The broker replied curiously, โYou donโt have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?โ
The man paused for a while and replied, โAn office boy!โ
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