What did the underpaid data scientist say?
“I need arrays.”
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What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit.
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Why was the blueberry muffin so sad?
It was feeling a little crumby.
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If you ever feel lonely, just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies.
After a while, you won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
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Why did Helen Keller’s husband often become upset with her?
Because she just didn’t listen.
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I saw a ghost at the hair salon. Can you guess what she was doing?
Getting a scare-cut!
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Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.
“I have some good news and some bad news,” he says. “Which do you want to hear first?”
“Good!” everyone says in unison.
The captain says, “We won eleven Oscars!”
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How many pretty girls are there at a monastery?
Nun.
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.
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If you get an email starting with Knock Knock don’t open it.
It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.
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How do you get a D&D player to go out with you?
You ask them for a d8.
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Where does Spider-Man poop?
Web-ever he wants.
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What did the pig say when he was placed in the desert?
Oh no, I’m bacon.
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Guess what the ship had to go to therapy for?
He was a nervous wreck!
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Yo mama’s so weak-minded that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a Jedi mind trick!
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My life is like an overproduced comic book series.
It’s just one issue after another, and the plot doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they’re easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.
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What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
Lazy.
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