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Whatโ€™s the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?

You have to send them a letter with your number B4 theyโ€™ll respond.

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Why did the peanut butter and jelly break up?

Because they were always spread too thin.

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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?

Because it knew too much.

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What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Ms. Shell.

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A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, โ€œHereโ€™s a pill for English literature.โ€

The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

โ€œWhat else do you have?โ€ asks the student.

โ€œWell, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,โ€ replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.

Then the student asks, โ€œDo you have a pill for math?โ€

The pharmacist says, โ€œWait just a moment,โ€ and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

โ€œI have to take that huge pill for math?โ€ inquires the student.

The pharmacist replied, โ€œWell, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.โ€

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So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady.

She said to me, โ€œSonny, would you like some nuts? Iโ€™ve got a couple of hazelnuts and almonds if youโ€™d like.โ€

โ€œSure.โ€, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

โ€œWhat a nice ladyโ€, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.

A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts.

I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.

After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.

I asked her, โ€œWhy donโ€™t you eat them yourself?โ€

โ€œBecause weโ€™ve got no teeth,โ€ she replied.

โ€œThen why do you buy them?โ€, I asked.

โ€œOh, because we just love the chocolate around them.โ€

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Scientists have discovered that crabs hear through their legs.

They said they yelled at a crab and it ran away.

Then they cut off its legs and yelled at it again. And this time the crab didnโ€™t run away.

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What do a lion and a computer have in common?

They both have mega bites.

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Once you understand why the pizza is made round.

Packed in a square box.

And eaten as a triangle.

Then you will understand vomen.

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All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the childrenโ€™s activity center.

Itโ€™s like theyโ€™d never seen a naked man before.

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Yo mama so fat when she jumped people got an earthquake alert on their phones.

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Why does a Chicago-style hot dog always lose races?

Because it refuses to ketchup.

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I watched a baseball game once, where the umpire kept wandering about, and was eventually knocked out by a ball.

It was the fall of the roaminโ€™ umpire.

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What do you call racist jokes that are made about black people?

Dark humor.

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Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open on Labor Day?

They are key workers.

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We really need to keep planet earth nice and tidy.

It is not Uranus, you know.

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I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.

I prefer them poached.

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You got the whole world in your nose. How lucky are you.

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My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Weโ€™ll see about that.

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Three men are working on a building site.

Everyday, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.

The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.

โ€œBy god,โ€ the man exclaims, โ€œI hate ham sandwiches. Iโ€™ve been working in construction for twenty years, and everyday, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself.โ€

The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.

โ€œHoly crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Everyday, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. Iโ€™m with you buddyโ€”if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, Iโ€™m killing myself.โ€

The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.

โ€œI donโ€™t believe itโ€”another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time Iโ€™ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldnโ€™t have to work on this sordid site no more! Iโ€™m sick of itโ€”count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, Iโ€™m killing myself.โ€

The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man โ€“ a ham sandwich, the second โ€“ a cheese sandwich, the third โ€“ a tuna sandwich.

The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.

At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.

โ€œIf only Iโ€™d known how much he didnโ€™t like ham sandwiches,โ€ says the first manโ€™s wife, โ€œI always thought he was being ironic!โ€

โ€œAnd if only Iโ€™d known how much he didnโ€™t like cheese sandwiches,โ€ says the second manโ€™s wife, โ€œI always thought he was being sarcastic!โ€

โ€œAnd if only Iโ€™d known how much he didnโ€™t like tuna sandwiches,โ€ says the third manโ€™s wife, โ€œbut I donโ€™t know what good it would have doneโ€”the fool made his own lunch!โ€

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