I met a ghost at the supermarket, guess what she was buying?
A scare spray.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the minion cross the road?
To get to his banana.
😄 😄 😄
What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hot dogs?
Relish today...
And Ketchup tomorrow.
😄 😄 😄
What does Spider-Man do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
😄 😄 😄
On the occasion of Teachers’ Day, the teacher was having a casual chat with his students.
Teacher: “Neil, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Neil: “Sir, I want to be just like you.”
Teacher, impressed: “And why is that?”
Neil: “Because even I love doing nothing.”
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the polite coder get hired?
The job required SASS.
😄 😄 😄
Personally, I’m fed up with LOL, ROFL and LMAO.
I say we ban all acronyms in the U.S.A.
😄 😄 😄
What did the o say to the other o?
Ohio.
😄 😄 😄
What is a math teacher’s favorite tree?
Geometry.
😄 😄 😄
Why are the most attractive males in the anthill also very learned?
Because they’re stud-ants.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?
You can’t take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!
😄 😄 😄
Millions of people celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday.
The indigenous people, however, have reservations.
😄 😄 😄
A pharmacist returns to his shop from lunch to find a man leaning against the wall.
“What’s wrong with him?” He asks his assistant.
“He came in for some cough syrup,” explains the assistant. “But I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.”
“What!” The pharmacist says, horrified. “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Of course you can,” the assistant declares. “Look at him – he’s far too scared to cough.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
Lazy.
😄 😄 😄
How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian?
Just spin him around in circles until he’s disoriented.
😄 😄 😄
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open on Labor Day?
They are key workers.
😄 😄 😄
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the orthopedic surgeon bring a radio into surgery?
Because he wanted to tune into the hip-est station.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
😄 😄 😄
