What would you name Will if he was one of the Wheelers?
Third Wheeler.
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βMan, my sinuses are on fire!β
βAn allergy?β
βNo, a metaphor.β
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CNN made a joke article for April Fools.
Just another day in the office.
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Whatβs a teacherβs favorite way to celebrate National Teacher Day on May 2nd?
By giving students a pop quiz to see if theyβve been may-taining their knowledge.
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My kids have recently been super obsessed with the moon and my wife is starting to get worried.
I told her not to worry, itβs only a phase.
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The ice cream parlor asks for my order.
Parlor: βHello Sir, can I take your order?β
Me: βYes, Iβd like a male hot fudge sundae please.β
Parlor: βIβm sorry Sir, a male hot fudge sundae?β
Me: βYes, with nuts.β
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Outbreak: New Strain of Bird Flu Discovered!!!
Itβs called Chirpies.
Itβs a Canarial Disease.
Itβs Untweetable.
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What do you give an influencer with bad breath?
A tik tok.
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What city is the feminist capital of the world?
Manhatinβ.
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Your mamaβs so short she sat on a coin and her feet didnβt touch the ground.
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Can you hear the birds singing?
Good! That means youβre awake.
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Pessimists are like German vegetarians.
They fear the wurst.
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Why do PokΓ©mons like to eat sunflower seeds?
Because they like to pick and chew.
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A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, donβt swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it.
Because seeing is believing.
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!
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What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
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The biggest kept secret is that Uranus is not a planet, you are actually sitting on it!
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My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
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My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
It was the end of my Korea.
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Iβm so cool I wasnβt actually born, I was defrosted.
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